More on Katrina

New Orleans is on the verge of becoming a total ghost town, as New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin announced that the remaining people in town will be evacuated and that "[t]he city will not be functional for two to three months." Residents who took refuge at the Superdome are now being bused to the Astrodome in Houston, some 350 miles away. Looting is continuing to get worse even though the floodwaters are turning into "a reddish-brown soup of sewage, gasoline and garbage" and remains 20 feet high in some places. I hope the looters like those new pairs of jeans or that new gold watch when they come down with a case of cholera.

Despite this unimaginable human misery going on not only in New Orleans, but also other parts of Louisiana and Mississippi, there is one piece of good news developing and that is Americans are opening their wallets to help hurricane victims. It's good to see that many Americans still care greatly about their fellow man.

Utter Devastation

Hurricane Katrina has devastated New Orleans, as two levees that keep water out of the below sea level city have broken, causing water to rise to as high as 20 feet in some areas. The water is expected to continue to rise. Consequently, chaos has broken out in New Orleans. Rescue workers are bypassing the dead. There is currently no electricity and no drinking water. The largest hospital in New Orleans has been forced to close its doors. A prison riot has broken out at the local prison where prisoners have taken a deputy's family hostage.

There has also been looting (Warning: profanity and rant ahead), and I had the misfortune of seeing TV footage of some of these ass clowns looting the local Walmart. Nothing gets my blood boiling faster in a disaster situation like this than looting. What pisses me off about the looting is not so much the actual theft of property, but rather the looters utter contempt for their fellow man. Thousands of people right now are stranded and need the assistance of the police to get to safety. Yet the police have to divert some of their resources to prevent some dip shit from stealing a bicycle at Walmart. I hope you enjoy that bicycle in the 20 feet of standing water you dumb piece of shit. Hopefully, the police will catch a lot of these morons and get them behind bars for a significant period of time. End rant.

New Orleans is not only place that suffered significant damage from Hurricane Katrina. Over 100 people are dead in Mississippi and more than one million residents in Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi are still without power. They might not be able to restore power in some parts for weeks. Preliminary risk estimates put the insured losses as high as $26 billion meaning the total cost of damages from the hurricane could be billions more. With such widespread damage, I would highly recommend donating a few bucks to one of the many worthy organizations that are helping out with the hurricane relief. Instapundit has a nice round-up of some of the organizations.

I would like to conclude by offering my thoughts and prayers to all of the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I pray that the worst is over.

A Season Preview

With the regular season just five short days away, it's time for my season preview of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Let's first take a look at the Notre Dame offense.

Notre Dame Offense
While Notre Dame was 81st last year in total offense and 72nd in offensive scoring, I expect that to completely change this year and that's for one reason: Charlie Weis is calling the plays and Bill Diedrick is not. I expect much better offensive gameplanning, a lot less predictable play calling, and no more WR screen calls on 3rd and 8. I think the biggest change for the Notre Dame offense is that it will be much more consistent this year. You will see a lot fewer games like last year against USC where Notre Dame moved the ball extremely well at the beginning of game, but then got completely stalled when the other team figured out what they were doing and they could not adjust.

The Irish return 10 starters from last year, and many of the 10 starters have been playing together for two years. Not only are most of the starters back, but the Irish are very balanced. Darius Walker ran the ball effectively as a true freshman last year, rushing for nearly 800 yards and averaging 4.2 yards a carry. Brady Quinn set career highs in TD passes and passing yards last season. Rhema McKnight, Matt Shelton and Anthony Fassano all had 100 yard receiving days last season, and Notre Dame got solid contributions at times last season from Maurice Stovall and Jeff Samardzija. Scoring should not be a problem this year, which should at least make for more entertaining games than the previous seasons.

The biggest problem facing the Notre Dame offense is the lack of depth on the offensive line, at quarterback and at running back. None of the backups at these positions have seen significant game action except for center John Sullivan, who started all 11 games last year and running back Travis Thomas, who fumbled once every three carries last season. If they suffer a serious injury at any of one of these positions, they could struggle to score points.

Next let's take a look at the Notre Dame defense.

Notre Dame Defense
Unlike the Notre Dame offense, the Notre Dame defense is returning only three starters: LB Brandon Hoyte, SS Tom Zbikowski and DT Derek Landri. However, the Notre Dame defense is not as green as one might think. Some of the other defensive starters this year such as DE Victor Abiamiri, DE Chris Frome, DT Trevor Laws, LB Corey Mays and CB Mike Richardson all saw significant playing time on defense or on special teams last season. So the defense could jell together pretty quickly.

The Notre Dame defense has two huge question marks. The first being their pass defense. Their pass defense flat out sucked last year. 116th in the nation. The good news is that the defensive backfield cannot play much worse and they have a coach in Bill Lewis, who actually has a clue. The bad news is that the only reliable performer in the secondary right now is Tom Zbikowski. The two starting cornerbacks, Ambrose Wooden and Mike Richardson are question marks. Wooden saw little action in the defensive backfield last season, and Richardson was being turned around on every other pass his way last season. In addition, the other starting safety, Chinedum Ndukwe, was just converted to safety last year and played sparingly in the defensive backfield last season.

The other big question mark for the Irish defense is their lack of depth. If you think the starters are a little green, check out some of their backups: Ronald Talley, Justin Brown, Joe Brockington, Mitchell Thomas, Steve Quinn, David Burton and Kyle McCarthy just to name a few. You're not alone if you're wondering who the hell are these guys.

Lastly, let's take a quick look at the special teams.

Notre Dame Special Teams
This is an area that should improve with Charlie Weis spending significant time during spring and fall practice on special teams. Expect to see many of the defensive starters on special teams. As a result, expect a few more blocked punts and much better punt and kick return coverage.

D.J. Fitzpatrick is back doing all of the kicking duties. Fitzpatrick was very steady last year making 11 of 15 field goals with a long of 47 and averaging almost 42 yards a punt. Expect more of the same from him.

The big question with the Notre Dame special teams is whether a big time return man will emerge. Notre Dame has been sorely lacking one since Julius Jones graduated. True freshmen David Grimes and D.J. Hord along with Justin Hoskins and Chase Anatasio will get a chance to return kicks. If anyone of them can be an effective return man, the Irish might have one of the better special team units in the country. Having a great special teams will be critical for Notre Dame if they want to upset a Michigan or a Tennessee or a USC.

2005 Predictions
Now that we've taken a look at Notre Dame's offense, defense and special teams, it's time to make a prediction on this upcoming season. Here's my game-by-game prediction:

@Pitt-Win
@Michigan-Loss
Michigan State-Win
@Washington-Win (in a blowout)
@Purdue-Loss
USC-Loss
BYU-Win
Tennessee-Win
Navy-Win
Syracuse-Win
@Stanford-Win

8-3 should put them in line for a Gator Bowl bid and after the last two abysmal years, I would consider that a successful one, especially when you consider the difficulty of their schedule. I will add one caveat to my prediction and that is if Notre Dame suffers some significant injuries on the offense or the defensive side of the ball, I would add at least 1 or 2 more losses. This is a very thin team and an injury or two could really hurt them. That being said, this should be a really fun year and for the first time in many years, I'm optimistic about Notre Dame football.

Another Example of Why the NCAA is a Joke

USC quarterback Matt Leinart is taking quiet possibly the most vigorous course load in the history of NCAA student-athletes, as he is taking one class: ballroom dancing. Oh doing calculus may be tough, but have you ever tried to the do the waltz. While it's easy to rip Leinart for taking such a joke of a course load, I can't blame him. If I was in his situation, I would have done the exact same thing. There's no point in taking a vigorous course load when he needs only one class to graduate; he only needs to take one class to be eligible, and assuming he doesn't suffer a major injury, he's going to be getting millions of dollars in 8 months or so.

No, the real villain in this farcical example of a "student-athlete" is the NCAA who's bylaws allow a student-athlete to take a non-existent course load. According to the NCAA rules, in order to be eligible, you have to take at least 12 credit hours (i.e., be a full-time student), unless you need less than 12 credit hours to graduate, then you only have to take however many credit hours you need to graduate. While the NCAA thought this rule would encourage kids to graduate, they forgot they're dealing with seniors in college. Seniors in college are lazy by nature, especially that last semester. Believe me, as a guy who was a senior in college a little over a year ago, I wanted to spend more time at the bars than on that paper that was due. It should be no surprise that this loophole is being abused. If the NCAA has any sense, it would require last semester seniors to take at least 9 credit hours in order to be eligible. I mean if you want these kids to be student-athletes, and not just cash cows for the university, I do not think it's unreasonable to have them take a class where they have to at least write a paper or two and maybe take a final exam.

Not Good Enough

The Bush administration proposed new rules today that would raise the minimum fuel efficiency standards for most new cars made beginning in 2008. While this is certainly a positive step, these new fuel efficiency standards do not go far enough. On average, the fuel efficiency in cars is being bumped up only 1.3 miles per gallon. While the new standards will save 10 billion gallons of gas over the life of the vehicles, that's a really small number considering that the U.S. uses 140 billion gallons of gas a year. Thus, continue to expect to pay at least $2.50 a gallon for years to come.

Why Is Anyone Listening to This Man?

Pat Robertson has generated a media feeding frenzy after he called for the U.S. to kill Venezuelan president, Hugo Chávez. While many have been quick to denounce Robertson's remarks including Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld; I'm yawning. Why? Because Robertson has ZERO, let me repeat, ZERO credibility. He has not had any credibility for years. It's kind of hard to have any credibility when you're praying for a Supreme Court Justice to die or blaming the hurricanes in Florida on Disney for allowing homosexuals into Disney World. I think we would be a lot better off if we stopped paying attention to what this religious wacko has to say.

Starting to Think About Law School

Since I'm planning on going to law school next fall, I'm trying to figure out where I should apply and what should I write for my personal statement. In the midst of trying to figure all this out, I came across this old Yale Law Journal article called, "How Not to Succeed in Law School" by James D. Gordon. And for an aspiring law student like myself, I could not stop laughing and feeling a little depressed at the same time. Here's one of my favorite passages:

During your first year, you take a class called "Legal Writing." The sole objective of this class is to make you write like real lawyers as little as possible. Virtually all lawyers write as if they were paid by the word. Some write as if they were born in a parallel universe. For example, here is the legal translation that has been offered for the simple, everyday phrase, "I give you this orange."

Know all men by these presents that I hereby give, grant, bargain, sell, release, convey, transfer, and quit claim all my right, title, interest, benefit, and use whatever in, of, and concerning this chattel, otherwise known as an orange, or citrus orantium, together with all the appurtenances thereto of skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice, to have and to hold the said orange together with its skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice for his own use and behoof, to himself and his heirs in fee simple forever, free from all liens, encumbrances, easements, limitations, restraints, or conditions whatsoever, any and all prior deeds, transfers or other documents whatsoever, now or anywhere made to the contrary notwithstanding, with full power to bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the said orange or to give away the same, with or without its skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, or juice.

I'm betting once I'm in law school I'll find this article even more funny and even more depressing.

Irish Add Some Defensive Help

Anyone who watched the Irish last year noticed that the Notre Dame pass defense was PATHETIC (116th in the nation). Needless to say, Notre Dame needs some DB help ASAP. Notre Dame finally got some help today when CB Raeshon McNeil verbally committed to the Irish. McNeil has great size (6'0") and speed (4.4-40), and based on the way the Notre Dame's DBs played last year, will likely see immediate playing time. McNeil is the 12th player to commit to the Irish. Now Weis just needs to add another 4-5 DBs and I might actually feel optimistic that Notre Dame can stop the pass sometime in the near future.

Another Stud QB in the Fold

After securing a verbal commitment from Zack Frazer, one of the top drop-back passers in the country, Charlie Weis got another verbal commitment from another top QB, Demetrius Jones. Jones is not as strong of a passer as Frazer, but has excellent scrambling ability. It will be very interesting to see Frazer and Jones compete against one another and see how Weis will try to get both on the field because both have a ton of ability. Jones is the 11th verbal commitment to what is shaping up to being a top 2 or 3 class. Not too bad considering that the team has been 11-12 over the past two seasons. Hopefully, Weis can start getting some defensive players into the fold and that could start as early as Monday, as one of the top defensive backs in the country, Raeshon McNeil, will announce his college choice on Monday. Notre Dame is in the mix for McNeil's services along with North Carolina, Virginia and Virginia Tech.

Idiot Part II/Darwin Award Winner

Jumping from the upper deck of a baseball stadium. Dumb. Playing video games for 49 consecutive hours. Even dumber:

A 28-year-old man died of an apparent heart attack after playing computer games nonstop for 49 hours in an Internet cafe, police said.

The man, identified only by his last name, Lee, collapsed Friday after having eaten minimally and not sleeping. He had refused to leave his keyboard while he played the battle simulation game Starcraft, police said.

I love playing Madden or Grand Theft Auto, but I could not see myself playing for more than six hours straight. I mean after a couple of hours of playing my eyes begin to glaze over. I frankly have no idea how this man was able to play 24 consecutive hours, let alone 49 hours unless he was snorting lines of cocaine every few hours. Again this common sense. You don't eat raw meat that's been sitting in the sun. You don't punch a pitbull in the face. You don't jump from the upper deck of a baseball stadium. You don't play video games for 49 straight hours...unless you're trying to become a Darwin Award winner.

Idiot

So I was watching the White Sox-Yankees game and all of a sudden, they stopped playing and the camera focuses on a kid who's on top of the netting behind home plate. One of the announcers mentions that the kid had fallen out of the upper deck. I was thinking to myself, "Jeeze, that kid is lucky because he falls anywhere else, he's going to the hospital for a long time with a possibility of never making it out of the hospital." Then I began to laugh when the kid could not figure out how to get off the nets and eventually scaled the nets to get himself off.

Little did I know that the kid actually jumped:

Eighteen-year-old Scott Harper plummeted about 40 feet onto the large screen during the eighth inning of Tuesday night's game between New York and the Chicago White Sox. After the final out, he was carried on a stretcher from the ballpark to Lincoln Medical Center, his head immobilized in a neck brace.

Harper, of Armonk, N.Y., was released into police custody Wednesday and arraigned in Bronx Criminal Court on charges of trespassing, reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and other violations.

Harper did not enter a plea and faces up to a year in jail. He was released on his own recognizance and is due back in court on Sept. 6.

Harper had told three friends he was sitting with that he was going to test whether the net would hold his weight -- and then he jumped, police said. "The next thing you know, you don't see him anymore. You saw him on the net," said 18-year-old Mike Spadafino, one of Harper's friends.

Obviously scared and shaken, Harper sat with his head in his hands for a few moments before climbing the net back up to the middle level of seats as players watched and the crowd roared.

How dumb do you have to be to do this? That's like seeing a piece of raw meat that's been sitting on your counter for three days and thinking to yourself, "I wonder if I eat this if I'll get sick." Dumbass. Only a Yankees fan.

Are You Kidding Me?

Last night, two of the Michael Jackson jurors, Eleanor Cook and Ray Hultman, were on MSNBC talking about how they thought Michael Jackson was actually guilty, even though they went along with other jurors to acquit Michael Jackson. I guess it would be pretty hard to peddle a book if there was hung jury. While their change of heart was surprising to say the least, what really surprised me was the arrogance of Cook who said, "They [the jurors] can be as angry as they want to. They ought to be ashamed. They're the ones that let a pedophile go."

Excuse me? To borrow a phrase from a radio show I used to listen to in Chicago, "Who are you crapping?" If anyone ought to be ashamed, it should be Cook and Hultman. While the other jurors may have reached the wrong conclusion in their deliberations at least they stuck to their convictions unlike Cook and Hultman who make John Kerry look decisive. If Cook and Hultman had stuck to their convictions, we would be talking about now when Michael Jackson is going to be retried instead of his new DVD (which by the way I put on my Netflix list). Do us a favor Eleanor and Ray, go back to your regular lives and stay off my television screen and off my bookshelves.

Best Day of the Year

Madden 2006 comes out today and the title of the article on ESPN.com on the release of Madden 2006 sums up my thoughts perfectly: Better than Christmas.

Almost Here

Today marks the first day of football practice for Notre Dame, which means only one thing, the season opener against Pitt is only a few short weeks away. With only three starters returning on the defensive side of the ball and questionable depth on the offensive side of the ball, there is a lot of position battles shaping up. Mike Frank of Irish Eyes has a nice rundown of the different position battles. Blue-Gray Sky has two great articles here and here on some of the biggest questions facing the Irish this upcoming season. I would also recommend watching the Charlie Weis presser from today, as he answered questions on the lack of secondary depth, preparing for Pitt, the development of Brady Quinn and the tough schedule. My favorite quote from the presser was when Weis was going through the first 6 games on the schedule and rhetorically asked, "Do you think I'm going to have any trouble getting them up for the Ty Bowl on 24th of September?" September cannot come soon enough.

The Continued Hypocrisy of the NCAA

The NCAA announced on Friday that it will ban the use of 18 Native American nicknames and mascots it considers "hostile or abusive" during its postseason tournaments beginning early next year. NCAA President Miles Brand added Friday, "The NCAA objects to institutions using racial/ethnic/national origin references in their intercollegiate athletics programs."

Among the schools that are affected is the University of Illinois (Fighting Illini), Bradley(Braves), Florida State (Seminoles), Southeastern Oklahoma State University (Savages), and 13 other schools. Among the schools not affected is San Diego State (Aztecs), Cal State Stanislaus (Warriors), North Carolina Pembroke (Braves), and countless other schools that use racial/ethnic/national origin references such as my beloved Notre Dame Fighting Irish. If you think that's confusing, wait until you read the fine print of this new NCAA policy according to Greg Couch:

The Fighting Illini never will be in the NCAA tournament again. In the most telling statement so far in the American-Indian mascot controversy, the NCAA announced Friday that it will prohibit teams with offensive Indian mascots and imagery, including the University of Illinois, from competition.

Wait a minute. I've got that wrong. Teams with American-Indian mascots can compete, but they can't go to postseason tournaments.

Wait a minute. Wrong again. Teams with American-Indian nicknames can compete in the regular season and the postseason, but they can't take the mascots with them when they get to the postseason and can't have the offending name on their uniforms.

Except in football, where it's OK.

So basically it's your typical non-sensical NCAA policy. Not only is the policy non-sensical, but this idea that all Native American nicknames are offensive is idiotic. There is certainly some offensive Native American nicknames like Redskins or Savages, but many of the nicknames the NCAA has deemed offensive are meant to honor Native Americans such as the Florida State Seminoles (who actually have the approval of the local Seminole tribe to use their name) or the Central Michigan University Chippewas. Not to mention, if all ethnic/national origin/national origin references in nicknames are offensive as Miles Brand believes, where do we stop in banning these offensive nicknames? Should the NCAA ban nicknames like the Trojans, the Spartans, the Sooners or the Fighting Irish? Mike Downey has a brilliant tongue-in-cheek column calling for the end of the use of the nickname the Fighting Irish:

I want that leprechaun put to sleep.

Do you hear me, NCAA? I don't want to see that darn leprechaun at Notre Dame's games anymore. No more of that goofy green suit. No more of that hokey hat. Most of all, no more of that offensive, insensitive, insulting, dehumanizing dance.

As a proud Irish-American, I demand that you make the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame get rid of that stupefying, stereotypical mascot of theirs. And that little jig of his. And I mean pronto, if you'll excuse my use of Indian lingo. Ladies and gentlemen of the NCAA, I implore you. Do that thing you do. Do what you did Friday, when your executive committee announced that it no longer would tolerate any "hostile and abusive racial/ethnic/national origin mascots, nicknames or imagery."

A leprechaun is all that.

He is mischievous by nature. He is up to no good. He clearly is abusive.

Have you ever seen him treat Notre Dame's enemies with any kindness?

And what of that big, crooked stick in his hand? He doesn't carry that cudgel because he is lame. It isn't a cane. A leprechaun doesn't limp. Look at that little fool do his dance. He moves fine. No, a shillelagh looks like a weapon to me. You wouldn't let a Seminole or an Illini walk around a football stadium with a bow and arrow, would you?

I can guess what you are thinking. You're thinking an Irish-American is not an oppressed minority. Or hasn't been one.

Well, you couldn't be more wrong. Irish immigrants were given a very bad time in America when they first came here. They were treated as suspicious foreigners. Their ancestry and accents were mocked. They were maligned as "Micks" and stigmatized as brawling drunks.

Therefore, I would like you righteous brothers and sisters at the NCAA to put an end to the degradation of this "Fighting Irish" slur once and for all. A lot of us don't fight. I don't fight. Well, I did toss a guy out of a bar in Greece last summer, but he was drunker than I was.

The NCAA has made a good start. The actions it took Friday gave notice to the Bradley Braves and Central Michigan Chippewas and Utah Utes that they had better take all of their Native American garb, arrowheads, weapons and war paint and dump the whole pile into a Dumpster.

If these people want to host a postseason competition ever again, they will have to abide by the NCAA's rules and lose the Indian theme.

You, noble warlords of the NCAA, are taking no prisoners. University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux? What do you care if there are Sioux who don't care? So what if there are remaining members of the Sioux tribe who are honored by this legacy? Your edict has come down. You have spoken. The next time North Dakota plays for a national championship, its mascot had better be Buffalo Bill.

OK, so a lot of us happen to believe that tribal names are not unto themselves offensive. Illini, Seminole, Chippewa, Choctaw--these don't seem so bad to us. They have history and dignity. We have entire states named for Indian tribes, for heaven's sake. What do you think the word "Illinois" is, anyway--French? Its origin is Algonquin.

I really wonder sometimes if there is anyone in the headquarters of the NCAA in Indianapolis that has a brain cell firing. After this new policy on banning offensive mascots and their refusal to have a college football playoff, but allow teams to play 12 regular season games, I'm beginning to have my doubts.

Number 10

The Irish yesterday secured their 10th verbal commitment when Springdale (Ark.) High School offensive lineman Bartley Webb told head coach Charlie Weis, he will commit to the Irish. Webb chose Notre Dame over Arkansas, Michigan, Texas and Florida, telling you that Webb is very talented player. You can certainly see some of that talent in these highlight clips. Based on the current lack of OL depth at Notre Dame, he probably won't be sitting on the bench too long. This is a critical commitment for the Irish who have signed only 4 offensive linemen in the past two years.

Oh Yeah!

The Return of Kool Aid Man. I smell box office gold.

I Swear I'm Not Making This Up Part II

Just when I thought Mike Tyson's career has hit rock-bottom with that embarrassing loss to Kevin McBride in June, I read this today:

Mike Tyson might be turning from his fists to another body part to make a living.

The former champ says he's been approached by reps for porn star Jenna Jameson to co-star in a X-rated movie.

The free-spending pugilist, who was pummeled recently by the tax man, says he told Jameson's people, "I need the money up front."

Boxing writer Pedro Fernandez recalled in Zoo magazine that, "according to court documentation from Tyson's rape trial, his member is at least 14 inches long. If Tyson brings out some of the ferocity that made him a champion, he could definitely become a successful porn star."

Gives a whole new meaning to the nickname "Iron Mike".

A Legacy Tarnished

It's looking more and more like Rafael Palmeiro has seriously hurt his Hall-of-Fame chances, as it was discovered that he tested positive for the steroid stanozolol, which is the same steroid that Ben Johnson tested positive for at the 1988 Olympics and cannot be found in any GNC supplements. Hence, the alibi that Palmeiro was giving earlier that he mistakenly took steroids is looking like total bs. While part of me is shocked because he's never been as big as Sosa or Bonds or McGwire or Canseco, part of me is not shocked because when he was coming up with the Cubs in the late 80s, he was a stick and was not known for his power. Unless something dramatically changes, all of the big numbers Palmeiro put up are tainted and if I had a Hall-of-Fame vote, I would not vote for him.

Chappelle's Show Done?

Say it ain't so.

In Naperville?

Many of you who read this fine blog know that I grew up in the Chicago suburb of Naperville. For those of you unfamiliar with Naperville, Naperville is known not only for its affluence, but also being a buttoned-down, conservative town, where the typical mother behaves like Mrs. Lovejoy from the Simpsons ("Oh won't someone please think of the children!"). Needless to say I was quite shocked and got a good laugh when I read this:

A recent gentleman's club outing in which scantily clad women performed provocatively for male golfers on a Naperville course has embarrassed the town's mayor and prompted a criminal investigation.

Naperville police said Wednesday they have reviewed a videotape recorded by a woman who lives near the Country Lakes Golf Club on the city's north side but found no evidence that crimes were committed. The golf event was sponsored by Blackjack's Gentleman's Club in South Elgin.

Police Sgt. Joel Truemper said a Chicago television station says it shot its own video of women breaking the law by taking off their clothes or performing sex acts at the Monday event. Truemper said the department is trying to get a copy of the tape and would seek a court subpoena for it if the station does not surrender it voluntarily.

"We are doing whatever it takes to get a copy of this tape," Truemper said.

Country Lakes Golf Club is privately owned, and managers declined to answer questions about Monday's outing. Messages left for representatives of Blackjack's Gentleman's Club were not returned Wednesday.

Naperville has an ordinance prohibiting public nudity and indecent exposure, but it is not a crime to wear string bikinis or short skirts on a golf course, police said.

Naperville Mayor George Pradel said he was embarrassed by the extensive television coverage of the golf outing. Money magazine last month rated Naperville as the third-best place to live in the country, the mayor noted.

"My heart is broken because this is a family city and I wouldn't want anything to disrupt that," Pradel said. "I'm a cheerleader for Naperville. This takes a little of the air out of my balloon."

If you want to have a really good laugh, click on the link on that same page of the story for the video of the WGN-9 story on it. I just lost it when the WGN reporter talked to an 8-year-old boy about seeing the scantly clad women on the golf course:

Boy: It was nasty.

Reporter: Why?

Boy: Because their chest was showing and stuff.

I'm willing to bet that the kid's mom told him what to say before he went on camera because if I saw that when I was 8-years-old, I would have no idea what was going on. Now this golf outing was without question quite tacky and the golf owners should have exercised better judgment, especially since there is residential housing that surrounds the golf course. However, to say criminal conduct occurred is a joke.

By the way, many thanks to Lucas who e-mailed me this story.

I Swear I'm Not Making This Up

When I was perusing through the newspaper Express (a publication of the Washington Post) after work today, I saw a review for a movie that had me thinking that I was reading the Onion and not a publication of the Washington Post. But when I saw that you could buy this movie on Amazon, I realized it was no joke. I'll let the review speak for itself:

In the more than two years I have spent reviewing DVDs for washingtonpost.com, I've certainly received my share of offbeat box sets and lame collections.

The first two seasons of "Punky Brewster."

Numerous Lifetime Original Movies.

Almost any film starring Vin Diesel.

But nothing prepared me for the beyond-bizarre DVD that recently arrived from the independent home video distributor Vanguard Cinema: "Miss Cast Away and the Island Girls," a schlocky comedy starring Eric Roberts, Evan Marriott (aka Joe Millionaire) and ... Michael Jackson. Yes, in the upper right-hand corner of the DVD's case, surrounded by beams of angelic light, lies the face of Mr. Thriller himself, promoting what Vanguard touts as "the first new Michael Jackson DVD in the retail marketplace since closure of the recent trial events."

Normally I don't review straight-to-video titles, mainly because there are so many other high-profile (and typically more worthwhile) DVDs on the market. But this one seemed so out there (Evan Marriott and Michael Jackson??), so deserving of a place in the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" Hall of Fame, that I felt compelled to watch. When the train looks this crazy, you can't help but board.

As expected, the 90-minute movie was terrible -- a disjointed mishmash of Zucker Brothers-style comedy and fantasy-adventure. The convoluted plot focuses on a batch of beauty pageant contestants who crash land on a deserted island that happens to house Noah's Ark and a huge wild boar named Jurassic Pork. Their mission -- along with that of their co-pilots, played by Roberts and Charlie Schlatter of TV's now-defunct "Diagnosis Murder" -- is to escape the island and stop the ark from sailing and creating a "Perfect Storm" that will somehow cause the Earth to be taken over by apes. And who is their spiritual adviser in this quest? That's right, Michael Jackson, who plays a secret agent commissioned by the pope to appear as an Obi-Wan Kenobi-esque hologram -- stay with me, people, I swear I'm not making this up -- and help the castaways save the planet.

I'm definitely putting this movie on my Netflix list.

On Second Thought

Almost five months ago, Orioles first baseman, Rafael Palmeiro said the following under oath before Congress, "I have never used steroids. Period!" Then this happened today:

Baltimore Orioles first baseman Rafael Palmeiro, who had defiantly denied steroid use during a congressional hearing on performance enhancing drugs in March, has been suspended 10 days for violating baseball's anti-drug policy.

Palmeiro had appealed the suspension, but an independent arbitrator ruled the first baseman, one of only four players in major league history with more than 3,000 hits and 500 home runs, had to serve the suspension starting Monday. The suspension and the appeal had not been made public until the announcement of the suspension Monday.

While Palmeiro is claiming that he did not "knowingly" take steroids, I am not convinced. Professional athletes, for the most part, know exactly what they're putting in their body. Unless Palmeiro has a really good explanation for this positive test (e.g., he started taking an over-the-counter supplement from GNC and did not realize it contained banned substances), this will seriously damper his chances of being a first-ballot Hall-of-Famer even though he is only one of four players in MLB history to have 500 home runs and 3,000 hits because people will now believe that all the great numbers that Palmeiro has put up were steroid induced. Palmerio has some serious PR work to do if he wants to regain his credibility.