Let's Hope I Don't Have To Get Involved In Ridiculous Arguments Like This One During My Legal Career

From the Minnesota Star-Tribune, regarding a court hearing that took place over charges filed against two of the Minnesota Vikings players involved in the love boat scandal:

Before Culpepper took the stand, Gray said there was little evidence other than an ambiguous statement from a bartender on the boat who claimed Culpepper got a lap dance. This started a somewhat comical discussion between the attorneys and Burke about what is a lap dance in Minnesota and whether it is even illegal.

"Lap dances are done legally every night in bars in Minneapolis," Gray said. "People pay for girls to dance in front of them and there is usually no touching. There is no evidence Culpepper paid anybody for a lap dance."

Burke said he didn't believe there was case law in Minnesota that defines a lap dance. Tallen said he could amend the criminal complaint and provide a clear explanation of a lap dance, but he didn't think he needed to spell it out more graphically. The complaint said that a bartender said Culpepper touched a dancer's buttocks with his hands.

That's right, they argued over what constituted a lap dance. Next thing you know they're going argue over what "is" really means.