Friday, January 27, 2006

Things Jack Bauer Won't Say

Jack Bauer is one of the greatest television characters of all-time. There's almost nothing he won't say or do to stop a terrorist plot. Here's a small sampling of some of the best Jack Bauer moments:

-Jack Bauer: [to Joseph Prado, after breaking every finger in his hand] This will help you with the pain. [knocks him unconscious]

-Jack Bauer: [to Saunders about putting his daughter in the hotel where the virus had been released] When your daughter is infected, I'm going to make you watch her die.

-Jack Bauer: You don't have any more information, do you, Nina?
Nina: Yes I do.
Jack Bauer: No, you don't. [shoots her]

-Jack Bauer: You probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat. But trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out. Taking your stomach lining with it. For most people it would take about a week to die. It's very painful.

-Jack Bauer: [shoots a witness in the head] I'm gonna need a hacksaw.

There is, however, some things that Jack Bauer will never say. Paul Scheer explores the possibilities.